A Stern Confession

Written for PACH 13 by Anirudh Vasdev
28/12/2013

It's true, I'm damaged.
I was pure once. I knew love all too well but not any longer,
Now I have issues; I have baggage,
but the pain has made me grow and made me stronger.

Too much has changed and I understand what it means to grow up,
It's a lot more 'Good Mornings' and a lot less 'Wassup',
It's a lot more difficult and a lot less easy,
you feel the ride with its highs and lows - its a lot less breezy.

Innocence is replaced because of experience,
envisioning a dream and realizing it are two very different things,
you change, you understand and often become more obedient,
you have to adapt - you realize 'Thats Life!' and resistance stings.

Life was never complicated, on the contrary its brutally simple,
choices have to be made as both 'black' and 'white' intermingle,
these choices come at a cost and that cost is what affects us,
It questions, it confuses, it irritates, suddenly the game's calculative - minus or plus?

But the golden rule of life is that there's no going back,
and if you desire to return; its strength you lack,
Nostalgia and retrospect have a very limited shelf-life,
'Let it go' is what your told but once scared you always fear the knife.

In such times there is one great quality we posses that never fails to delight,
the ability to suprise yourself,
Transgression, taking an unexpected turn can lead to witnessing a lovely sight!
like finding an old photograph while dusting the top shelf.

Life is long; longer than you and I know,
So listen to Lenka's words when she says 'Just enjoy the show',
Being compassionate and true give peace and courage to push further,
Its not always a fairytale but neither is it 'The Sorrows of Young Werther!'

In friendship we find tremendous good feel,
In family we find support and nurturing,
we share laughs with the ones we love over a hearty meal,
with religion; in god, we feel our soul merging.

There are moments that make you feel divine,
there are moments that simply take your breath away,
there are moments you find yourself in good company sipping sparkling wine!
and your body gradually begins to sway . . .

When I was little, we'd first be inspired then work, but now the deadline is the greatest inspiration,
rather than success - the fear of failure is the force of motivation,
although then I was a child now I am worldly wise,
and honestly I'm a better man for the job in my own eyes :)


__________________________________________________________

Heightened Exuberance

Blessed with youth, energy and vibrance,
free to run, unrestrained and without guidance,
a soul with strength and passion; an empty mind with low will power,
laziness mixed with honour growing more numb with each passing hour.

a deep question, a lost cause of reality,
an illusion of greatness, an imagined sense of purpose followed by a miscalculated state of affairs,
loneliness, obsession, escapism, overwhelmed abnormality,
life is made to slow down like looking into a mirror and being forced to stare.

in betweenness follows complications,
negativity is short lived,
understanding is weak based on a flutter of emotions,
only positivity makes me 'Dare to be Free'

The mundane routineness follows an active alert curiosity,
a decadence of images with subtle animosity,
self reasoning accompanied with self doubt,
a thrill to hit without hurting upon seeing her pout.

Raw, so crazy raw from within despite the consistency for correct cooking,
like a simultaneous organised brainwashing when your not looking,
It is isolation and I do blame you !
I blame all who fed me the illusion even though they knew it wasn't true!

Beauty is presupposed by need,
not greed,
patience is a virtue,
not speed.

The pain mixes with the tranquility to form an unusual chasm,
the images float starting the process again,
exhaustion and hunger, peace and power, overrated expense causing a spasm,
'Grow up boy! This is the world of men!'

Orders sparkle with intent and rebellion,
a sense to defy is omnipresent,
gripped with fear; 'Forward March Batallion!'
all face the consequences whether Patriarch or peasant.

Time will pass by, this will all fade,
no matter how hard you worked, no matter what you made,
but the results are your own truth, the truth YOU cannot run away from,
You still live here, in this quiet compact dorm.

Putting pen to Paper - letting thoughts flow :)

"Its all so new and unheard of! Its like being born again at 22!"

At first when I came here I thought, "So its London .. Been there so many times before. Shouldn't be sooo much of a change right?" .. Well I was in for a treat alright. It all started with having my first glass of water. Now I've been here before, I've been to Singapore where the similar practice is undertaken but I'm still from a country where we dont directly consume tap water! I mean who does that?! Apparently EVERYONE here.

Then came the rules of the road. So your walking down the road say .. and you realize you need to cross the street and so it begins - the planning in your head of how to cross, look for an opening between the zooping cars without killing yourself right? Yeah; No. Not here at least. Maybe in Central London you'll find some of those rude drivers but definitely not here. You wanna feel like a Queen? Take a walk on any road side and simply stand at a crossing. Any car and believe me when I say ANY car coming at no matter what speed will come to a dead stop as soon as your foot's forefinger's nail touches the road.

This is getting a little boring .. I'm just gonna convert this into a poem ..

They drink tap water and park in squares,
The unpredictable weather always confuses you to wear a light shirt or layers,
The traffic and the people are all too polite,
They'll stop at the red lights even when there's no one in sight!

Laws are followed and balance is maintained,
The best quality of stuff is available here - right from Barley to Sugarcane,
We have sabzi mandi, they have Tescos and Azda,
their poor is our well-fed, their Maruti is our Mazda!

'English' - the word itself has so many different connotations now,
It could mean cold, diplomatic, clever, bland, historical, or make you wanna take a bow,
It is shit expensive though and highly overrated I tell you,
London has a vibe but its dead after 3, you have to walk crazy distances just to use a loo.

A storm will make news headlines if 3 trees fall and a handful die,
roads will be closed, trains will have bus diversions, delays will make you go *sigh*,
They're very efficient sometimes but are usually so lazy,
laid back, by the book attitude, boring and unrefreshed, like the climate - drab and hazy.

The Sun here teases you and teases you alone,
It wont come like a good friend for lunch to stay,
It'll come like a high school Principal for a cordial visit and then run away.
It'll be days before you see its light brightly shone!

Thankfully, they're not many insects here, just a few spiders and small fellas,
they'll show up every now and then just to remind you how you sound when you yella!
But the food though is horribly bland,
its like eating beach sand :S

The good thing is that things usually work,
fast internet, constant power, hot water, the system supports you to push forward,
around public offices you need not lurk,
Oh and for those who are fans, here its called 'Yogurt' not 'Curd'. 

The river is sublime in some areas and the long intertwined roads are a sight to behold,
Breakfast at Riverside Cafe, lunch at 'Foxes n Hounds', The Holiday Inn, The Boatyard Tavern,
The colourful leaves spring forth in autumn from Tress with small green molds,
the birds here are as if indifferent to us! They're just not scared! and it doesn't seem like they'll learn.

I think I'll stop now ... little sleepy .. plus its like 2:30 AM. Unless I'm still operating on Indian Standard Time, I should sleep if I know whats good for me.

Farewell.

Little Dandelion

Inspired by Audioslave's song 'Dandelion' 

There it lay, swaying politely under the sun,

Sinfree with glee, delicate like a flea,

Here I sit, writing this from London,

Happy to be here, but more so just happy to be! 

It's a quiet night with the road ahead lit up,

The silence is comforting, the cold is a fuck up,

Sometimes it's just nice to sit back and sip wine,

Especially when it's not mine ;) 

Yeah, I'll admit I drank your wine and ate your food,

Why do you think I'm in such a joyful mood !

Just like this little Dandelion I sway carefree,

Happy to be here; but more so just happy to be :) 

She sits in the garden lost in thought,

He rolls with his friends planning for cinema,

That one stands all alone, in his own world caught,

Oh did I tell you? My flatmate's name is Emeka. 

The romantic flavor of the air is fully engrossing and beautiful to be in,

The blowing wind freezes you from the outside but blesses you from within,

To ignore this magnificence and be lost in your problems is as much a sin!

As making a worthy horse purposely lose when you know he was born to win. 

Free verse ... Is such a boon, 

Can you imagine if I had to follow rules while writing this?

Rather than express myself freely, I'd be some disciplined goon,

I'd be adhering to grammar instead of being educated by bliss.

Its nice sometimes to just sit and feel,
like an Apple - complete, not like an Orange that needs to be pealed.
the song continues, the music makes you sway,
One can only sit back and wonder 'Ah! What a beautiful day!'

The food grows cold, the leaves grow still,
the berry mix is a beat, just like the movie 'Kill bill',
The blonde guitar, the perfunctory report,
the detailed analysis, the scared fort.

The endless story, the ring composition,
the disappointment in the longing eyes; The intermission.
the rolled up underwear, the sparkling sea,
I'm just happy to be here; just happy to be.

Beatbox thunder, drunk girls, pizza delivery and smoking,
abuses on your face disguised under the label of 'I was only joking!',
the never ending stench of responsibility, room freshner please!
Laundary, cooking, bank account, payment of fees!

This is a new way of living, unjust but free,
fuck it up - your fault, make it - your degree!
What you see is what you get; no hanky-panky,

I miss PACH yaar, and especially you Shanky!

We escape everyday to return to our reality,

I was once lost but now I'm profound, 

you have to accept your nature; cultivate humanity,

the automatic lights, the foxes at night, the leaf-blower mornings, 

accompanied by a plethora of unfamiliar sound.

The Water in a Smrinoff bottle, (the tap water mind you), 

the anti-bacterial spray, the 'You're holding the sponge wrong!' while cleaning the loo,

the unfamiliar plug points, the longing for home,

the fireworks on the wrong nights, the chanting of 'Aum'. 

The Dandelion still sways, 

yet the breeze is no more,

what a comfort it finds in just being,

while we all are still sore. 

'Teach me your wisdom!' I cried in admiration, 

'There is no wisdom' came the answer; 'Just unlearn everything you know!' 

So I sat with him a while shaking his hand,

Feeling so ... ? ... Feeling so. 

But I aint no Dandelion, I am human so I returned. 

Sharing my discovery with you, sharing what I learned. 

'Just be!' was his message, 'don't BE this or BE that!' 

such a simple message, such glee, such a pretty thing to look at.

THE BENCH

By Anirudh Vasdev 
(7th October, 2013)

I am seated for you to sit on me,

wood, metal, paint and glue,

we were all united solely for you!

Our union - my purpose - to comfort you I wait, can't you see?

The polite tree waves to me everyday,

but I have my heart on another,

the slim and tall street-lamp is the light of my life,

but I treat him like a little brother.

The cement on which I stand is cold and unfriendly,

the soft grass tugs gently at my feet,

O! A stranger! I am graced with company!

*Cough* *Cough*, he smokes, *cough*, not such a joyous meet.

Whew! He's gone and I'm reunited with my silent scenery,

We are stagnant on the surface but inside lies bursting energy,

riveling with excitement, mood, flavour and sense in perfect symmetry,

yet we seem as expressionless as Keira Knightley.

I am an ant's breakfast, the Magpie's relief,

the homeless' bed, the fox's roof,

the Christian's faith, an occults belief,

and a familiar space for the aloof.

Yet you'll find me here, day in and day out,

without fear, without worry, without doubt,

this is my spot for better or worse,

It is my gift, it is my curse.

I enjoy the bustling busy mornings,

I introspect on the lonely nights,

I offer support to all whether dawn or dusk,

and have been witness to a few drunken fights.

You, young man, who step into my sockets,

Its getting cold, I urge you to head in,

put the pen away and warm your hand in your pocket,

there's a thin layer of ice developing on the dustbin.

Go and rest son, I'll be here tmrw too!

Thank you for your words, I found a friend in you.

Sleep now child, the party has begun elsewhere,

I see 4 coming towards me - dark, tall, young and one fair.

With a cold hand and a warm heart,

I take your leave;

Farewell.  

 The Bench at Seething Wells; The muse of this poem.

Meeting The Vice-President of India

Meeting the Vice-President of India Hon'ble Shri M. Hamid Ansari and Presenting him with the books - 'Of Ghosts, Wizards and Other Fantasies' and 'Essence of Spiritual Wisdom' at his residence on 23rd Spetember, 2014.

My Journey with PACH!

To PACH,
I love you so much!
Saach Saach!
I’ll miss you PACH 


Who knew our lives would change this way,
When we walked into CCD that day?
I was reserved and partially nervous,
I only knew this one girl, who is presently preparing for her civil service,
Then I met this Looney-Toon family – one founder at a time,
And a collared shirt man with a unique recipe of laughter to break the ice,
You opened your heart to complete strangers, it was truly sublime.
These were good people – genuine and nice.

It wasn't long before we let our guards down and got in touch,
‘Arrey yeh to honna hee thaa’ said our founder, ‘After all, this is PACH!’
The poetry connected us to each other and made us introspect too,
Some got inspired, some were admired, some even said ‘I love you’.

We have a Shaire of Shayari who’s now become a rap artist,
We have a diamond in the rough whose dog’s name is poof!
We have a big lovely Panda to add to the list,
And a small cute elephant who sits under the roof!
But no law of the jungle was applied here,
No rivalry for territory or love,
In fact we have an environmentalist who protects plants and saves Deer,
And a split-personality psychologist who sits as peaceful as a dove!

Before the fall, Eden must have been something like this,
Peaceful, serene, full of love and enchanting,
Brimming with creative fervor and nothing amiss,
Here we are all complete, united in every heart beat.

Personally I have grown ten-fold with you guys,
Harboring strength, facing fears, accepting the truth and forgetting broken ties,
I’m renewed, re-born a new me,
Because of the love of this wonderful PACH Family.


Thank you PACH ! :)

TRUE LEGEND

There was once a man with a plan. “I want to be famous!” He said as he dreamed of the future where he would get much recognition. “Such beautiful sculptures will I make, that generations will remember my name! They will stand the test of time and make me one with immortality!” He exclaimed before embarking on his journey. The man’s name I will not mention for he no longer wishes it so. Listen to his tale and you’ll know why.

The man tried and tried but no sculpture could he make that got him his fame. He tried for days, then weeks, then months, then years but to no avail. Forget fame, even modest appreciation rarely came his way. Out of pity, a few customers would sometimes buy his works and pay him a pittance which provided two square meals for the day. The fame never came, the struggle carried on. Little changed. The sculptures lay unsold; the hunger for greatness began to fade. The tools began to gain rust; the hands grew pale. Finally one day, the man sighed “I’m tired” he said. Indeed he was. The pursuit for fame had been long and unrewarding. With anger and relief he destroyed his dreams. For once and for all, he abandoned his pursuit. “Useless! Devil! Vile monster! I bid thee adieu! Too long have you held me in your grasp! I free myself from your chains! No more do I want fame!” He exclaimed. “You my art! You have been my sole companion. You offered peace but I chose ambition’s frustration. You were there on my pillow on the hungry nights; you were there on the lonesome mornings. But I have been a blind fool. To find fame, I missed the pleasures you so graciously grant. Forgive my greed and accept me to become one with thee.” The man put his mind to his creation. This time the hand flowed with grace rather than with rush. His eyes followed the sculpture with love rather than with anticipation of a fortune. His body swayed comfortably as if dancing to a melody rather than with contracting muscles focused with tension. His fingers worked with divine precision and design. In a short while, it was complete; his first masterpiece. But he din’t know it. For him the joy lay no longer in the result; it lay in the process. No pain anymore; no suffering; nothing to achieve. Sitting silently, following his art, he felt complete. Higher than fame, more than glory, beyond immortality; he was one with body and mind. It was no surprise that the results were spectacular. He sat in his workplace for 3 days and 3 nights creating 13 sculptures of unmatched skill and brilliance. On the 3rd Night, he lay down exhausted. He never woke up again.

The awful stench attracted a hungry stray dog that crept into the basement in the wee hours of the night and devoured his remains. It wasn’t until the new tenant’s curious child opened the door and got the shock of his life that the news came to be public knowledge. The police came. The investigation was conducted. But no name could be put to the dead man’s body. They searched for a signature of the artist on his work perhaps. Upon close examination they saw it had been stricken off from most of the figures barring 13 relatively newer ones. The name etched into these ones simply read –

“Anonymus”

On the walls, a message was painted –
“Fame was once my delight but it became my poison. My art rescued me. It brought me joy. What’s in a name? It’s designed to fade with time. But one’s deeds, they are remembered forever.”

Book Review - The Name of This Book is Secret by Pseudonymous Bosch

This is officially the first book review I am posting on my blog. How I would love to say 'This book was awesome' and 'GO AND BUY IT NOW!!!' but sadly my opinion is quite the opposite.

But before I present my official verdict let me tell you, I bought this book a few years ago when I was still in school. The title page caught my eye and the first chapter was even more fun. I am reading it now, after my college is finished. So my opinion as a 22 year old would definitely differ from a general school reader. I am a person who is more generous with compliments than a critic cares to be. I express admiration where admiration is due. Sadly for this book, admiration is not even a consideration infact interest is a luxury. Thankfully though It wasn't so bad that I was unable to finish it, unlike certain absolutely horrible books that have put me to sleep on more than one occasion. (All respect to Virginia Woolf but sorry Ma'am, 'Mrs. Dalloway' put me to sleep better than any bed-time story ever written).

So you might say, I got through it. If however your fresh outta college and looking for a good book to read - this book is not for you. If your in school and looking for adventure and a fun experience - this book is still not for you. If however your a first time author and your looking for how NOT to write a book - THIS IS A MUST READ. Here's the problem with Mr. Bosch - The man or woman (since his identity is kept a 'secret' - wise choice for people would've killed him by now for writing this shit), has spent half the novel narrating how you should not read further or how he's already said too much or how the 'secret' is an unbearable burden which no reader should bare. After creating all this suspense, one would expect the culmination of the novel to if not leave you completely satisfied atleast attempt too. Sadly this does not happen. In a lackadaisical turn of events the author quite frankly suggests you to make your own ending.

The protagonist Cassandra is an eleven year old girl who is a 'survivalist' collaborating with another boy - 'Max Earnest' whose non-stop talking is rarely appreciated and both our 'heroes' find a magician's diary that creates much mystery. The mystery is not fully revealed, yet it seems the man has discovered a secret which is the fundamental basis of all life and a certain cult of Alchemists want to get their hands on it. The novel revolves around how these two children throw water on the plans of these two genius, semi-immortal, strange bad guys and getting themselves out of a sticky situation.

Here's the truth - Just when you think the book's about to get good - the plot loses its direction and the fuzzy drink which you open expecting the bubbles to over flow turns out to be flat. Its a proper let-down.

The action sequences have little action, the characters have little depth barring maybe Cassandra and Max-earnest. The profiles of the bad guys is incomplete, the profile of the dead magician (who apparently still lives) remains unclear. After a point you ask yourself 'What are these kids trying to solve anyway?' and sadly you get no concrete answer. There are bits of the book that give you bits of creativity, knowledge and ideas - eg. the concept of Synesthesia, Alchemy, the construction and setting of 'The Midnight Spa', etc. The question of what exactly is 'The Secret' is unanswered and our good guys are reprimanded for their heroic deeds by their school principal rather than be awarded for basically getting in trouble and being saved by a secret agent who conveniently appears when required and just as easily disappears.

Structure wise Ring composition is used heavily and adds flavor to the writing but the dis interesting nature of the content fails to add value to the narrative. The inconsistent formal-informal tone the author strikes with the reader initially attractive later just makes one realize what a waste of time it has all been. In an attempt to salvage the debacle, the twist ending gives you hope; a light at the end of the tunnel but by this time you seem to ask yourself if you really care about any character at all.

So all in all I'd rate this book a miser 2/5 stars.

If this is your first book Mr. Bosch, you sir have a long way to go. But this much I do agree that you have great potential. I suggest you use it for your next project.

If there's one lesson I learnt from this book is that if the author tells you 'Don't read further' You might wanna take his word for it.

MY NEW BOOK!

Presenting!

'The Essence of Spiritual Wisdom' published by New Age Books under Motilal Banarsidas Publications.

Please read the information on the image for further details. It is basically a book of compiled quotations, sayings and one-liners arranged alphabetically on the subjects of spirituality and wisdom by famous preachers and masters of the orient.

It is priced at Rs. 250. If you are interested in purchasing copies, please contact me at +91- 9811833318 or email me at anibunny33@gmail.com.

Thank-you and enjoy!

FROM THE HERMENUTIC VIEW

In the land of the Indigo children,
I see all that can be seen,
Come, lets see the sacred 150 year old Banyan tree,
Standing resolute, deep rooted and mighty.

For the monkeys, the branches are a playful exercise,
For the bees, an ideal spot for their next hive,
For the homeless, it is a place to rest one’s weary eyes,
For the Lord Buddha, it is a place of awakening and coming alive.

In front of it is an idol of Lord Ganesh with a freshly lit Agarbatti,
Behind it here comes a man to pee,
Beetles run hastily all over it, probably in search of a gastronomical delight,
While the Fireflies emit small amounts of radiant light.

This tree is so like the Earth,
Full of life yet silent and still,
Under its thick canopy echo sounds of Gilli Danda and mirth,
Look! Look! Running off are two squirrels with zeal.

Just one day of observation and I learn so much,
And too think I was knowledgeable,
The eye’s lesson is over, and what of the ear, nose, taste or touch?
How right was Socrates fable*.
(* - Socrates once narrated a piece whose moral stated by him was – ‘All I know is that I know nothing’)

I learn my own lesson from all this too,
There are multiple ways of looking at anything,
Work can be fun, girls can be just friends, not every ghost has to scare you,
The greatest powers of destruction can be vested in a small stone Shiv ling.

It all boils down to the way we look at it,.
It’s we, not the world, who decides good or bad,
So the next time something’s upsetting you,
Change your outlook, your attitude,

Who knows? It might just be you who’s making you feel sad.
_______________________________________________

Completed on 1/6/2010
By Anirudh Vasdev

NATURE !

How beautiful is this Night!
What a sight to see,
The cool winds, the cloudy sky,
The shinning white moon as bright as it can be.

The people turn off their televisions and take a walk seduced and enchanted,
The birds glide, the crickets bounce with glee,
Mother Nature has come alive,
Feel the bliss engulf you in a slice of divinity.

The spirit comes alive,
The trees sway and dance to the rhythmic beat,
The beetles buzz, the flowers smile,
O Nature! What a feat!

The aroma is exotic,
Hiding in the sky god himself envies man today,
Heaven and Earth are at present united,
Enjoy the magnificent silence, no word need be say.

Like the sound of the ripples of the waves,
It is soothing and rejuvenating,
Like the touch of early morning dew,
It is fresh and invigorating,
The poor man out on the street enjoys it first,
The V.I.P. remains oblivious in his luxury,
The stray dogs jump around playfully,
While the ones inside the house long to be set free.

This is Nature's glory!
Unbiased, unrestrained, all for one and one for all to witness thee!
Look Man! Look at it closely.
Feel your puniness in the face of this grand entity.
Worship it! Be one with it!
Don't abuse it for your own selfish needs.

Its grace is unbound,
It redefines royalty,
No armor, no sword, no pistol to carry,
Yet it extends itself, allowing us to bask in its glory.

So peaceful, so silent,
Yet so full of vibrant energy,
Your expanse is unfathomable,
No sight so mystical has ever before been seen.

Give my kind wisdom O High and Mighty!
Fools we are in front of thee!
Dare to defy you with our childish bigotry,
Spare us our fate for we are your children,
Guide us to your solemn company.

So blinded have we become,
So arrogant and stupid,
We see not the demons we construct,
We ignore the 'us' and privilege the 'me'.

This night is so beautiful,
Do we deserve to experience it? Are we worthy?
Nature's kindness go unacknowledged for,
Gratitude and compassion are qualities of the few rather than the many.

How long will it take for you to see the truth?
Till when will you persist with your stubborn foolery?
Look in the mirror and ask your conscience,
'Have I really accomplished what i set out to achieve?'

This night is just a glimpse,
The oceans, the mountains, the grasslands, the deserts,
At every sunrise, at every sunset,
We are pleasantly surprised.
Hers is the only canvass that is destroyed as soon as it is created,
Yet how many times does she take your breath away.

A thousand Michealangelos cannot compete with your one moment,
What chance do we lay-men have?
We can only admire you,
And be taught a lesson of humility.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
By Anirudh Vasdev,
27th April, 2013.